SimCity Social Sucks

Hide NSFW images.

---

When I first heard about SimCity Social, my first thought was: "Goddamn, I wonder what other things Maxis is up to... Holy Crap, a new SimCity game!"  I was fucking confused as hell since Maxis was convoluting the fuck out of SimCity Social and SimCity.

You see, SimCity is the next installment of the SimCity franchise, while SimCity Social is a Facebook game.  After almost orgasming after hearing about SimCity, I finally looked into this whole SimCity Social thing.  It actually sounded really cool -- "Build cities with your friends," they said.

Well, the truth is out, and the truth hurts.  How do I phrase this.  This game is a steaming pile of time waste. You start out with a nice little tutorial, all the while going: "When the fuck does this turn into SimCity?"  You keep clicking on shit and placing buildings with some hot girl with glasses telling you what to do like some sort of sick porno.  After minutes of shit happening on the screen with stars and coins and shit flying around, you finally recover from your seizure and realize that you can finally do what ever you want!

Oh wait, nope, that's the opposite of what happens.

You're confined to a space that an ant would consider too small.  We need some lebensraum Maxis.  You know, like the Germans.  But no, you're confined in a small pathetic piece of land placing houses, businesses and factories.  At first you think this is really neat and fun.  But then the tutorial ends.

And you naively keep playing the game.

Until you realize, that this game was MADE for you to pay money.

Now we aren't talking about a game where you can pay money to speed up the progress of your city. Nor are we talking about a game where you can pay money to buy extra shit.

No, this game was specifically made so that there comes a point (about a few days into the game) where you need money for shit to actually progress in the game.

Here's your gift back Maxis.  Don't worry, it's
in the same condition that I got it in.

There's a bunch of varying types of currency in the game: Simoleons,  Goodwill, Experience, Energy, Diamonds, and a shit ton of collectibles.  The important two are Energy and Diamonds.  You only have so much energy in this game.  You use energy to place houses, upgrade, collect money from business, and supplies from factories, and so on.  Of course, you don't realize this during the tutorial, because they hardly mention it until the end when they tell you: "Oh yeah, remember how you were doing unlimited shit during this tutorial?  Yeah, you can't do that in the actual game."

Oh yeah, here's the other one you gave me.

You get about 1 energy every... 3 minutes or some shit.  And since everything takes energy, be prepared to wait an hour or so until you can do something else.  But don't worry, that's not the most frustrating part.

The frustrating part is the fucking diamonds. 

Fuck.

The.

Diamonds.

Fuck this stupid game mechanic.  It's so fucking stupid.  It's the dumbest shit in the game.  During the beginning of the game, they give you tons of diamonds (tons is like... 10) for you to buy shit, without telling you that you will probably want to save those diamonds to buy shit you'll actually need in the game. 

You see, in order to progress in the game, you need to get your friends to play, that way you can use them to fill up employee positions in things like the Police Station or some bullshit like some sort of stupid fucking Ponzi scheme.  Fuck you Maxis, I don't want to force my friends to play some watered down version of SimCity.  Fuck. 

Trust me, everything will require diamonds.  Want to buy some land, but don't have permits?  Just use diamonds!  Where do you get permits?  From your friends!  What if you don't want to force your friends to play?  DIAMONDS MOTHER FUCKER.  

You can't even exchange any of your other supplies for diamonds.  I was easily raking in 10,000 simoleons every time I checked into my city.  But no where could I exchange that 10,000 for say, 1 diamond.  

I don't want to waste my time and money buying diamonds to upgrade a virtual city.  When I hit 4000 population, I quit.

If they ever want me to play that stupid game again, they'll need to completely revamp the gameplay.  

1. Make diamonds easier to get via surveys that people can actually complete (I attempted 1, but was denied for no reason).
2. Reward hardwork.  We're playing you're shitty game and giving you valuable insight into how to make SimCity better, stop treating us like cash bags.
3. Add and exchange rate system.  Make diamonds buy/sellable/tranferable by players. 
4. Make the game ACTUALLY SOCIAL.  Going to your friend's city isn't social; BUILDING a city TOGETHER is.  You fucks should understand that.  I hope the designers of this game shank themselves.
5. Fuck that energy shit.  If some one wants to waste their whole day playing your game, let them.  They're more likely to buy the prettier/exclusive shit if they can actually get a sustainable city made.

Lastly, I just want to say: fuck you Maxis, you made me question whether I should actually buy the next SimCity or just torrent that shit just to fuck you as hard as you fucked us with this game.  Seriously, go fuck yourselves.