The Four People You Will Find (And Hate) In Every Class

Ah yes, the classroom, the bane of my existence.  I usually spend my classroom time with my laptop on the desk browsing pictures of lolcats, but occasionally I'll actually pay attention.  Oh wait a mistake that is.  Nothing gets me angrier than listening to other students ask questions.  I'm not sure if it's because I already know the answer, or whether I'd just rather listen to the teacher do what he/she does best, or whether its because it's always the stupid ones that ask questions in class, but there's something about students and questions I just can't handle.



#4. The Questioner

Everyone has met "The Questioner" at least once in their life.  They're the ones that will always ask a question during the lecture.  Now, I'm fine with people asking a question here or there, especially if its warranted (like when the teacher breezes over subject because he thinks everyone knows it.  But hey, I guess I should have known about integrating over polar coordinates.  My bad).  But this person -- if they can be called a person -- will always ask at least one question during the lecture.

"No, you can't give me a blowjob."

Sometimes "The Questioner" doesn't even ask a question concerning the lecture.  Sometimes it's about some bizarre construct she devised in her head.  Other times, he'll try to relate the material to another class; which will usually end in the professor either looking at him as though the dumbest question imaginable has just been asked, or entertaining the student's question, which is far, far worse.

But, with properly placed headphones, the pain caused from this student's questions can easily be avoided.  Which is more than I can say for our next type of student...

#3. The "I Don't Know" Kid

It's group time in the lab everyone! Everyone get into a group!

Everyone scrambles to get into a group.  No one knows each other yet because it's the first time the class has met, but for some reason your professor thinks a group project will break the ice (or he might be trying to cause half the class to drop, I'm not exactly sure yet).

Be that as it may, suddenly you're stuck in a group of strangers. You try to be optimistic -- you say to yourself, "well, they must all be intelligent, bright students like myself.  What could go wrong?"

Boom, you're stuck with the "I Don't Know" Kid.  You're fucked.  Suddenly, that team of four is now a team of three, plus an extra 190 pounds of dead weight.

I'd rather have the cow in my group.

What's even worse if there is a huge report due -- yup, you're group is going to try to partition that report four ways, and that IDK shell of a kid is going to get 25% of the paper.  That's 25% of your grade.  Your grade.

If there's one thing I've learned in this life, it's never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever let that kid turn in work without proofreading it yourself.  That'll mean you're going to end up doing 50% of the work, but at least that littler fucker won't tank your grade.

But there's something mysteriously tranquil about the "I Don't Know" Kid.  He's (or she's) not that irritating; usually because although they might not know anything about the subject, it's because they choose to not know anything about the subject.  They won't bother you with a slew of ridiculous questions when your trying to get your work done.  They just choose not to do their work.  Which brings me to...

#2. Joe "I Need Help" Jackson

Fuck this kid.

You're sitting there trying to get your work done -- conducting some tedious electrical wiring or something -- when this fucker asks for your help.  And he won't take no for an answer.  He'll just keep pestering you.  Or he'll do a little trick to get attention:

First he'll sigh at his problem.  Then he'll start talking out loud about how hard the problem or task is.  Then he'll look at you.  Don't make eye contact!  O God, you looked at him, didn't you. Shit.  I'm out of here, you're on your own now.

The barrage of questions never stops with this kid.  It's not even like they are good questions.  You'll mostly be barraged with the most simple questions that the student should have learned the answer to the first day of school.  But here you are, teaching Joe basic algebra.

#1. The Interrupter

Last, and most annoying, is "The Interrupter."  Remember "The Questioner"?  Well, this student has perfected "The Questioner" and has adding the cunning evolutionary ability to not have to wait to be called on by the professor.

It's almost like when ever they have a question, they need to stop the class in order to ask it because God forbid they go unnoticed.  And I do mean they stop the class.  Suddenly, that momentum the professor picked up during the first thirty minutes of the lecture is destroyed -- smashed to a screeching halt by "The Interrupter."  The professor now has to stop her train of thought in order to deal with the troublesome student who should have kept his mouth shut and waited until the professor asked if there were any questions.

In fact, this species of student is so irritating, I've had classes where the professor will simply ignore any questions the students ask if s/he didn't open the floor to questions.

Props to you professor.